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Thai Wives... :-)

Billy and Akaisha Kaderli  

For those of you who don't know anything about having a Thai Wife here in Thailand, it's "quite the concept."  Being a Western female, I am grateful I am not in that system.

A couple of days ago, Billy and I met Russel, an older gentleman (about late 60's or early 70's) who has recently acquired a Thai wife. She is 33 years old. Apparently, she was a "rent a girl" before (when she was younger) and now that she’s older, she has made the career move to be married to a "falang" (white foreigner). Russel just met his wife a week ago. No, he doesn’t speak Thai, and her English is quite limited. Russel mentioned he is looking forward to teaching his wife English phrases like "happier than a pig in shit." Can you imagine? She may soon be saying things like "nice to meet you, I am happier than a pig in shit" and then smile that wonderful Thai smile.....  Russel, by the way, did not like her native name, Pong.  He decided "Coco" fit his needs better and so, now she answers to this new moniker.

       A few local sharks!

It is very common here for falangs to "rent" a Thai girl for a day, week, month or whatever, to be their companion (and caretaker, maid, cook, etc.). Yes, sex may be part of the deal. This type of arrangement may seem like it could become a dangerous situation for young Thai girls. Any Columbus domestic violence attorney would probably be concerned about these relationships, because a large percentage of Thai women experience domestic violence more than once in their lives. It is quite common, for falangs to marry their Thai girlfriends even if they already have a wife in the country where they live. In this way, the Thai girl gets out of poverty, and the (usually older) man gets his "needs" met plus, as an added bonus, he is now able to "own" property in Thailand! However, property must be kept in the Thai woman's name, as he actually does not own the property outright. Needless to say, this has caused problems if one gets divorced. The foreigner has no rights to the property.

When one gets wrapped up in a new, intriguing relationship, common sense over the above issue often flies out the window.

There are sales people here who set up appointments for interviewing Thai women who want to be wives.  These sales people often get the objection from falang men that they "already have a wife." Their response is "that is fine. Better to have two. One here, one there..."

For those of you who may have just a tad more curiosity about this "Thai Wife" thing, I have been doing some deeper observations and inquiry. And while it is true that a man needs to do little more than to show up here wanting a Thai wife, there are some small obstacles to this marital course of which a wiser man would benefit to be aware. There are dating services available here to help both parties through those "sensitive steps to getting to know each other."  These services promise "support and encouragement" until you find the right one. After all, a first date is much like a job interview that lasts 3-4 hours. The men wonder, is she "fun enough" to spend the next months or years with, and the girls wonder, is he "malleable enough" to become marriage material.

 Oh Baby! Gorgeous women everywhere!

From what I understand and have been told, a first date conversation can be much like the following. 

Man: So what do you like to do? 

Girl: Up to you.

Man: What?

Girl: Up to you.

Man: No, I mean what do you like to do in your spare time?

Girl: I stay home with my family. I'm like sleep. Read cartoon book. Watch TV. Why you like Thai girl?

Man: I'm interested in Buddhism.

Girl: I'm want to go to America. 

Now granted, she is gorgeous with perfect features and an alluring smile. A fragrant little chit of a girl, to be sure. But facing an evening of this less than charming conversation could dampen the spirits of all but the most confident and ardent male. However, it's completely possible that conversation is not what one wants for the evening anyway.

Tuxedo Babe

It is also an attractive feature of Thai women that many have taken a course in "how to treat a man." These courses have sub-pointed subjects such as "sexual cleanliness and condom use." All very practical indeed. Couple this knowledge with ads that emphasize knowing how to do "all kinds of housework," "love to cook," being "open minded, sensitive, warm, sincere, faithful and happy all the time," and then as an added bonus, just happens to be a masseur as well.

I'm telling you, this is tough competition.

On the other hand, a man may just want to train his wife himself. In those cases, he may go to a Northern Hill Tribe and buy himself a wife. The Lisu is just one such tribe. In the Lisu, the younger the girl is, the higher her value. If she is over 20 she is no longer a "flower" and her worth is less. Similarly, if she was married before or is a widow, or has "loose morals," that can also reduce her price. The young girls all dress up in Lisu tribal finery and mix (respectfully, of course) with potential mates. This allows both sides to "view" the possible choices and combinations available. When a selection is made, the man sits with the father and barters for her. The father will then list her strengths. (She has an excellent disposition, she is industrious, not quarrelsome, and I have taught her to be dutiful. 20,000 Baht. -- $476 US dollars.) Often for Falangs (foreigners) the price will be 25,000 Baht. --$595 US dollars.

Choice of beauties

This bargaining goes on until a price is agreed upon, the festive ceremony is also paid for, and then the man takes his new young bride home to ---- wherever. (If the new "home" is not too far away, sometimes Lisu girls run away. In this case, it is "best" to take her somewhere like America or England "for insurance.")

Now depending on one's point of view, the above descriptions of the Thai female may be disturbing, or it may enlighten us somewhat. Perhaps, my lady friends, we could learn from this in more than one way. My grandfather always said "We can catch more flies with honey than we can with vinegar."

We can all improve ourselves as partners... AND we could also found and operate schools for the training of young men to be better skilled mates themselves.

Who of us would not appreciate a partner who is industrious, faithful and happy all the time?

What say you?  Something to think about...

Want to know more? Read our piece Thai Wives Revisited

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